The Big Gay Foodie

The Big Gay Al's Food Adventures

Soreen Toasty Loaf

Or Soreen Toasty Loaf as it shall henceforth be known chez BGA!

I can’t believe that in 44 years it never crossed my mind to toast a slice of Soreen malt loaf.

Perhaps it’s because of years struggling to cut anything even resembling a slice from those sweet delicious tiny loaves. I usually end up with squidgy, sticky little lumps that I smother in cold butter and devour insanely quickly. I’ve usually eaten it BEFORE the kettle had even boiled to make the cup of tea that was going to go with it.

So a couple of days ago I stumble across a Soreen Toasty Loaf in the supermarket. Staring at me, holding my attention like the squidgy hussy he is. Needless to say that I could not resist. They had me at the fact it was ready sliced – truly the greatest invention since sliced bread. I can only imagine just HOW they manage to slice it evenly and thinly like that. Perhaps they part freeze the loaves before slicing to firm them up. Perhaps they aren’t really sliced at all – perhaps they are baked as individual slices and assembled into a loaf. It might even be that they make them in an orbiting satellite station, where the zero gravity reduces their squidgy-ness and makes slicing possible. Who can say?!

I had a few slices in my normal manner, cold with lots of real butter. And it was delicious as expected, but made all the more so by the fact that it was in neat regular slices.

Then this morning, a revelation. I toasted a slice, just lightly so it didn’t burn the sugars, but enough to heat it through and crisp the edges. Then, still hot I spread it thickly with cold butter.

Ladies and gentlemen, I can’t begin to tell you how sublimely incredible it was to eat! All I will do is urge you to try it. It’s was heavenly. An orchestra of angels playing with my heart tongue.


You can find Soreen online here or on twitter @SoreenHQ – go say a squidgy hello and tell them The Big Gay Al sent you!

I know this looks like an advert, but I’ve received no payment for this blog, however if Soreen want to give me a tour to show me just how on Earth (if it is on Earth) then I will make myself available!


apparently Soreen don’t send their loaves into outer space to slice them in zero gravity conditions. A shame as that was my favourite theory!

The lovely people at @soreenHQ twitter account have indicated a special technique and a spell in the fridge is involved – but no definitive answer yet. A trade secret perhaps.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


This entry was posted on August 18, 2014 by in Breakfast, Ready Made, Sweet and tagged , , , , , , , .


Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 1,198 other subscribers
%d bloggers like this: